Posted by Chris Bing

The Ferris Bueller

Photo credit: --Mark-- / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

This is the classic kid who insists that they are ready to take the next step into “adulthood”. What’s a better way to prove that than to show that you can hang with the big dogs? This kid plays hooky from school (because what’s a better way to show you’re an adult) and steals some of his parents alcohol from their liquor cabinets. They proceed to fill up a water bottle (not knowing how much to put in) with the liquor and some handy soda that is lying around the house. They gather a couple bucks and a green t-shirt with a trendy saying (that only their generation understands) and they are on their way to the local parade. Shortly after they are throwing up and an innocent bystander with half a soul decides to get in touch with their parents to pick them up.


The Van Wilder

Photo credit: istolethetv / Foter / CC BY

There is no other way to put this other than, THIS KID LIVES FOR ST. PATTY’S DAY. This is the only time that you’ll ever hear someone go out of their way to let you know that they are Irish and this is “their day”. This person is most likely banging on every dorm room to squander up as many people as possible to start “The big day”. This also happens to be the earliest that they have been up all semester. Decked out in their funny/sexual innuendo St. Patrick’s Day t-shirt (Look at my shamrocks), they make their way down to the nearest Kegs/Eggs rager. Their day ends with a nice visit down to the local precinct for starting riots by 2 P.M.


Harold & Kumar

Photo credit:Alan Light / Foter / CC BY 

This is the standard kid who could care less that it’s St. Patrick’s Day. They were most likely someone that Van wilder woke up while banging on their door. They decide to join the festivities because, well…everyone else is doing it. This person is most likely not Irish/could care less if they are because they know that this holiday has turned far away from a celebration of heritage. This person is wearing their only green article of clothing they own or borrowing their roommate’s generic shirt (Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Kiss me I’m Irish, etc.) that they bought from Wal-Mart the night before. Their night ends with a Taco Bell run and a good nights sleep.


Old Skool

Photo credit:Jamie McCaffrey / Foter / CC BY 

This is the older version of Van Wilder. They most likely celebrate the weekend of Saint Patrick’s Day and they celebrate at the bars in the nearby city. Trying to live out the “glory days”, they still wear the wacky outfits they did in college which usually consists of shamrock stickers, green eye shadow, knee high green socks, suspenders, green sunglasses, etc. Their night ends earlier than they expected and they wake up extremely hung-over the next day because the college years are behind them!


The Dad

Photo credit: Oscar_Shen / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

This is the older version of Harold & Kumar. They still could care less about celebrating this meaningless holiday. They more than likely just eat dinner with their family/their significant other’s family. The meal consists of the usual Irish soda bread, corn beef, and cabbage. They indulge in a nice glass of whiskey and wear a green dress shirt with a funny tie. Their night ends early because they have work in the morning.


Happy St. Patrick’s Day 2015 and remember to be safe! Know anyone like this? Be sure to share and let us know how you plan on celebrating!





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